“A need to say no”

Transcriptions are written records of KK channeling Jonathan during Evenings with Jonathan Get-to-gathers, in which Jonathan responds to participants’ quest-ions on personal-universal themes. 

Infused with thought-provoking, love-invoking wisdom, each transcript offers practical application for spiritual revelation.

In this transcription, Jonathan touches on themes including but not limited to:

• Givings are misgivings when they don't include you (no need to vacate, there's room for ALL)

• giving = receiving

• a need to say no

• communicating with loved ones who have died 

• relationships that naturally fall away when you change, the practice of being met anew: “Have you allowed yourself to be met anew with who you know yourself to be now, dear one?”

• the willingness to be known

• Life is one big practice! 

• in service vs servile, SELF-REVERENTIAL

• sometimes an expectation is a dream in disguise

• when you’re creatively alive you sense kinship with all life

November 16, 2022

Jonathan: Okay, dear ones. Welcome, Good Eve, and welcome back! Welcome forward, welcome sideways and all ways to all of you and to all of your presences with your presents! We welcome each and every gift that you bring and all that you don't bring in terms of what is needed, what is helpful, and what need not be served up. All of the above. Exactly as you are! So welcome with little ado tonight we do sense a slightly different tone so we will go with that and begin with the foremost of inquiring hearts and welcome any and all of them at this time. Now.  Welcome! 

Catharine: Thank you, Jonathan. A, I was drawn to you. Do you have a question for Jonathan?  You don't have to, but I just wanted to check in. 

A:  Unless Jonathan has a message for me. 

Jonathan: Well, what we would say is we have not so much messages, we'll call them reminders for your mind, dear one, that can sometimes, with its diligent focus, easily forget to include you in the givings and givings out. So sometimes the givings become misgivings because they don't include you, dear one. So it's not quite a message from the deeps, so to speak. It's a bit more surface available. And we would like to remind you to include you in your offerings and your gifting of compassion and action. We wholeheartedly suggest becoming all inclusive with respect to yourself. Do you follow, dear one? 

A: Yes. Thank you. It's a great reminder. 

Jonathan: Well, it's an important one, dear one, and one that often gets easily swept under the, let's call it, religious rug.

A: Very true. 

Jonathan: Your presence is amplified when you're present. So while we understand the nobility of the notion in stepping aside-indeed, that would be a sort of channeling, dear one- it's actually much more potent to remain part of the scene rather than vacate it in service of another, which isn't always necessary. There's room for All. You're not taking by receiving. Sometimes the sense of taking becomes amplified by prepositions. You're taking away, taking out, taking from. But you're also receiving. In fact, when you truly give, you are always receiving. And you must be here for that, dear one.

A: Thank you. A great reminder that I needed.

Jonathan: And you're needed, which doesn't mean you need to oblige, dear one. You're in an environment where you're continuously needed. And that need not mean you consistently respond to any and all requests. There is such a thing as a need to say no. Which is actually saying yes to you and yes to greater balance and potencies. Service can often turn servile and it's not a coincidence that vile is in that word. It's possible to be in service and of service and not servile.  Which isn't always acknowledged in a certain aforementioned or not yet mentioned dogma, or coding would be a more contemporary term. A lot of the systems of religion are governed by ancient codes, some of which are subject to human interpretation and not divine revelation. 

A: Totally agree. 

Jonathan: So do you have any musings to share with us, dear one? And no need to force it but because we have such a delightful opportunity to be with your Light we do want to encourage any inklings that may be stirring. We know how you often put yourself, let's say, behind first. 

A: I'm just feeling grateful. For being very welcomed by this Heart family. Which is not always the case in my own institutional congregational family. And so this balances out because I continue to exert effort to say no, so that I can say yes to myself, to be still, to try not to allow the joy to disappear as it had disappeared a few years ago.

Jonathan: From not saying no. 

A: Mm hmm. 

Jonathan: So how's it going, dear one? We heard you use the word exert. That sounds a bit taxing. 

A: (laughing) Well I guess I'm growing! Because I'm able to feel less effort.

Jonathan: What would it be like to simply say no without exertion? Even with a bit of elation, knowing that it's steering you towards more joy.  No-no-no-no-no!!!

A:  Hopefully I will reach that part (laughing). 

Jonathan: Oh, absolutely not! And perhaps it wasn't quite clear before, but let's make it so now. NO! Know no with a smile dear one.

A: Yes. And I guess I'm improving, growing, getting better at it. Like this vacation, I just told them I'm out and then the rest is no (laughing). Still struggling a little bit with this old pattern of guilt for saying no, but it's less and less, so that's a sign that I'm growing. 

Jonathan: That's an inviting sign, dear one. We wholeheartedly congratulate your current practice of voicing no and delighting in the No. 

A: Thank you.

Jonathan: Much love and ongoing NO's to you, dear one! 

W: Hello, Jonathan. 

Jonathan: Good Eve. Dear W! 

W: I wanted to get a little more understanding of how I can communicate with my mom, especially when I feel like parts of me are still really missing her. This month hasn't all been heavy but there's a part of me that would like to connect and work with some of the energy that's already been stirred up by her anniversary of passing this month. 

Jonathan: So dear one, is there a place in your abode where you have perhaps not entirely an altar, but something visually symbolic of her presence? 

W: I've got some pictures, definitely, that I refer to. 

Jonathan: And do you have a candle or something that invites you to sit with stillness?

W: Yes, I can do that. 

Jonathan: So what we would encourage you to do is be with her in the way that you are present today, dear one. It can be quite challenging -even for those more versed in the spiritual realms - to make connections with those no longer in physical bodies, because there is a certain notion that they ARE how they WERE. 

When in fact those not in bodies also evolve. So your mother isn't where you left her off, and that can often be a missed portal because there is a tendency to focus on how she was or how you recall her, which is indeed sometimes not a fluid doorway. Not that you can do it wrong or right, dear one, but we're referring to allowing the fullness of your presence and her presence as she is today, which is of course not today, it's outside of time. So one thing we would suggest is to be present as you are and invite yourself to be with her as you sense her, even greeting her with some of today’s news. You can say  ‘You know it still hurts my heart to not have you here, particularly when a lot has happened since you left.’ You can fill her in on some of your latest delightful discoveries. though you need not be limited only to the quote unquote 'positive.' You can be with her as you are; the more present, the more you can sense her as well. Do you follow?

W: Yes. 

Jonathan: And would there be any thing you would like to convey that you haven't already, for example? You need not tell us, dear one. 

W: Yes. 

Jonathan: We would encourage you to ritualize your practice of being with your mother, especially at this time of year when you already sense her - and her loss. You can invite her to where you sense her. Let her know she's left quite a space in your heart and that she's invited back in any way, shape or form, that she's able and willing. Be with her and with your current longings. Now we know you’ve quite a capacity to receive in dreamtime, so you can write what you want to share with her before you go to bed. If you've a desire or inquiry, ask it before going to bed; serve it up,send out an invitation.

One of the things that is challenging is to send an invitation without the expectation that the guests will arrive, and we know your mother is not a guest. We're using that as an analogy. Be open to sensing her presence throughout the day in any way that it comes. The ritual is more for you to sense your presence in her presence. Do you follow? 

W: Yes. 

Jonathan: When you're going through your day it's not always easy to be clear in your emotional realm. Intense activity covers the underlayers of  emotion. Stillness- not as in you need not move - but stillness as being free of distractions, automatically puts you in a present state that allows enhanced receptivity without effort. It's like if you're walking through a dense jungle,  certain sensors will come online and others that you no longer need become dulled, and you’re more present and less distracted because you adapt to your environment of life in different forms. Do you follow?

W:  Yes.

Jonathan: So it's analogous to what we're talking about. It's a way of adapting your presence without sacrificing your vitality. It's like slipping into different languaging that involves all your senses, not just your thoughts. So we would encourage you to communicate what is heartfelt and also emotionally felt in your longings. And know that because she is outside of what we would call linear time, the response may not be immediate. It may be in the in-betweens, and require heightened listening throughout the day. We would encourage you to slow down a bit this month, dear one. 

And slow only by comparison to a certain frequent acceleration in the current cultural demands. An intentional deceleration allows what is in your periphery to be felt more than thought. When you're in continuous motion, it is challenging for something to land. And we do sense an evolution with your dear mother so perhaps there are also things she wishes to share with you. And that's different from filling the gap. That's naming and acknowledging the space and also honoring the longing. It's an open ended invitation. It's not, ‘Fill me up!’ It's 'You've been missed! And you're still missing to me.’ And particularly now, it becomes even more palpable. So do feel free to share the more emotional layers to what you're speaking of. And that's different from understanding. Because it's not something that can be fully understood. There's no logic to it. But there is a connective thread through your presence, which emanated from hers. Time doesn't change that. Have you noticed lately, what you would term ‘signs’ from your mother?

W: That I'm not sure about because I could make it be a sign if I want it to be, but I'm not sure exactly. So I wasn't trying to put a label on that. I just thought, I'm thinking of talking - C helped me a great deal and I'm just rolling it over here.

Jonathan: Continue rolling with it, dear one. And roll infers suppleness.. So it is softening some of the formerly needed sheathing around your dear mother. A bit of a carapace developed in your survival stances, necessarily so. But we sense a lot of dissipation there that makes communication more open than it was. Open is also a way of saying you're open to the form it can come, to what you can't control. And that was a frightening vantage point in the past. Because what you couldn't control equaled great loss. So it's no longer about steadying yourself against so much as going with. Rolling with the feelings around it, around her, around her loss, and around your current life. You can also ask others to pray for you and for your dear mother. We put it out there as an option, because it's quite difficult to manage emotionally present communication in a way that requires you to also be palatable, fathomable and acceptable. In asking others to pray for you, it leaves a buffer for you to lean into so that you don't have to lean into her in the same way and only feel her loss. You can lean into the support of other people's prayers to extend what it is you do feel. Do you follow?

W: Yes. 

Jonathan: And you can request that of your Heart Family here and beyond here. ‘Would you mind saying a prayer for my mother, or I?’ We suggest both. It creates a bigger holding environment. And that is what you missed by her early departure.

You didn't know that sensation. So it's not yet trustworthy. This is one of the safer ways you can begin sensing that greater net that does hold you. But it requires a leaning back because otherwise you don't know it's there. And that's not yet a natural inclination. We're suggesting it so that you are more available to all that's here and near to your dear heart. Notice there has already been a softening with respect to years gone by. Melting leads to more porousness. It heightens your receptors which are much smaller and denser when sheathed. Anger can be an effective shield, but it can also be an effective boundary, keeping out what you don't want in, but it also keeping out what you do. It doesn't discern in the way your heart can. 

W: Yes, I was just trying to break it down to what resonated and what it came down to was making specific time to connect from my side of it without expectation of a particular response. Being willing to be open to whatever it is that I'm feeling and know that that's part of the journey to this next chapter in my life;  letting this part  be here now, and letting her come in the way that she wants to or can. 

Jonathan: Excellent summary. dear one. Open and open-hearted. Because it's not leaving her behind, it's bringing her presence with you. As you said, in the way she's able. Being open for it to come in surprising ways as well. We sense quite a sense of humor in your mother, that hasn't always been apparent in the midst of such grief. A lot of intelligence there, even brilliance. And brilliance refers to conducting light. 

So again, being open to the many ways those qualities can evolve as well. And noticing how stillness enhances your awareness of energetic layers, overlapping realms, multi-dimensions. And multidimensional forms. So feeling the stillness, within and without. 

Stillness is alive. And do take good care. That refers to the aforementioned deceleration.  Anything further for now. dear one? 

W: No, not for now. I'm looking forward to leaning back into some communications and letting that take the course that it needs to take. 

Jonathan: Feel free to practice leaning in now, dear one, because indeed we sense quite a circle of support here, a holding. Much love to you and your dear mother. 

W: Thank you, Jonathan. I appreciate it. Thank you, ladies, for holding space as well. I appreciate that, too. 

M:  Hi, Jonathan, It's M. 

Jonathan: Good eve Dear M!  

M: Yeah. So you know, I've been doing a lot of heavy lifting with my therapist, doing a lot of journaling, heavy lifting with myself. I visited my friend out in New Mexico and did a lot of emotional heavy lifting this weekend too. So I'm definitely kind of exhausted. 

Jonathan: Is it okay for you to be present with heaviness and also open to lightness? 

M: Yeah. You got any good words for me? I certainly wouldn't mind. 

Jonathan: Well, we tend to think all words are good, dear one. So we will feel into what's underneath the request. What we do sense there is a need for more balance with respect to the weightedness you're referring to. 

M: Yeah, that's true. 

Jonathan: So what do you feel might allow some softness, or less strenuous exertions? What would allow you to not have to try so hard all the time? What would happen if your output were occasionally mediocre, dear one? 

M: Output in what respect? In what regard? 

Jonathan: In any respect. Rather than giving everything 110% what if you saved a little for you? Perhaps giving 70%, 60%... You can give 100 on the days you feel you have it. But with respect to respecting the cost of the output you've mentioned in your exertions there's a certain adherence to harshness when it comes to your own expectations of yourself.  What if you were allowed to take it easier? From time to time.

M: I don't know. My work really does feed me. It's super enjoyable. What's hard is coming home and not having somebody that I have a really intimate relationship with. 

Jonathan: So the loneliness, dear one. When you make significant changes in your inner world, with respect to your guiding narration and identities and allowances and permissions, the outer world responds accordingly. We sense that a lot of your formerly familiar friendships have dried up because they can no longer feed the person you are today. It's like at one time certain foods, if not fortifying, did the job, but today you need more sustenance. You’re in an intermediary period with relationships falling away and new ones not yet made. Allow yourself to be met anew, with what you now accept about yourself, rather than blaming yourself for relationships dissipating. In fact there's a naturalness to it based on your own personal evolution. Do you follow?

M: Yeah. I had been thinking of asking if I'm evolving and she's not or... 

Jonathan: It's not that she's not. You're evolving in different ways. Using the terms exertion and heavy lifting is an indication that you're putting more into it than you're getting out of it. At one time that was an acceptable formula- not entirely but it’s what you permitted yourself. It's no longer sufficient, and you're not yet in the new arena. The loneliness is the yearning for what you know is possible but haven't yet experienced.

It takes time to sweep the residue aside and understand that those former relationships didn't come to a close because of any deficiencies. On the contrary, they can't fully support your proficiencies. Do you follow? 

M:  Yeah, I do. 

Jonathan: So there's a current longing to know and be known more fully, dear one. And that takes time and a willingness. 

M: Yeah. I mean. I found a drumming circle that I went to and I do a meet-up thing this Saturday. I feel like I have to just do things until something shifts enough.

Jonathan: Continue practicing meeting and being met anew; out of that come more spontaneous meetings. You don't have to orchestrate life to put people in your path. That will happen anyway. Develop readiness by cultivating your preferences. ‘I'm drawn to this, not that. That still scares me, but I'm willing to get bolder.’ It's a series of practices. Life is one big practice, dear One! Reframe it, respecting those relationships that no longer provide the sustenance that you need as indicators of your evolution. 

You can shed those former self-imposed limitations and boldly ask for something different with respect to respecting and revering who you are. It's interesting, there's the term self-referential, but not self-reverential. That's really what we're talking about. REVERING. And honoring.

And honoring you does not mean putting yourself above others. It means ceasing to put yourself below. That's a different vantage point and takes practice. The more compassion and congratulations you can give yourself for venturing out, for honoring your longing for connection - that is progression. It means part of you knows that such a thing is possible for you, dear one. 

M: But I've always had this, this loneliness. It's nothing new. 

Jonathan: Not the loneliness, dear one, but the willingness to be known is different now. Can you see that? The willingness to be known. It requires a bit of a turnaround because it's one thing to want to get to know other people. It's another to allow yourself to be known.  Is there a willingness to be known? To be discovered?

We encourage your courage to be as endearing to you as possible. There can be more soothing on your behalf.  We didn't say self-care because that limits it to a certain aesthetic  activity. What we're talking about is a self-reverential stance. Self-reverential care. Self-reverence. And easing up on unforgiving expectations.

M: (exhale) I don't even know what that would be. What expectations have I ever had of myself? I mean, I've never had expectations of myself. 

Jonathan: We beg to differ, dear one. You've never expected anything of yourself?

M: No, I never - had expectations of making a lot of money or stuff like that. Like I live so poorly it's pathetic. I don't have any expectation for knowing how to- 

Jonathan: We'll reverse it entirely. How about allowing some expectations then? 

M: Well, that's almost just as hard. 

Jonathan: Imagine allowing without hardness.  It's not hard to imagine. Simply activate it.  We know you have a potent imagination. It's part of what makes your job enjoyable, what connects you to children. You know how to play.

M: Yeah. No, I know how to play. 

Jonathan: So begin playing with your expectations. Sometimes an expectation is a dream in disguise, dear one.  Allow your imaginings because that's what allows you to be creatively alive. When you're creatively alive, it doesn't dissolve loneliness, but it connects you more fully to all the life around you. To all creation. You sense kinship with life. Let yourself be creatively alive! Imagine allowing yourself to have expectations. Begin, not end, there. Open something new for yourself. Without exertion.

M: Yes, I have a huge imagination. As a kid I used to imagine I'm a famous actress and this and that. But my fantasies never came true. So that's where I trip up  now. 

Jonathan: So imagine a bridge dear one. Between the life that you're living and what you imagine. What might that bridge look like or feel like? 

M: Well, that's a pretty good metaphor, actually. Thank you. 

Jonathan: We'll leave it with that goodness for now, dear one. Much love. And much imaginings. Thank you, dear beauty-full and gifted presences, each and all of you, for your willingness to be seen, to discover and be known by each other and those who will benefit from your explorations. Much love and ongoing imaginings to all of you, dear ones, much, much imaginings.